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主题:一条短信就可以把我击中

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一条短信就可以把我击中  发帖心情 Post By:2007/11/20 9:26:25 [只看该作者]

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这几天好像满是表达的渴求,一不小心就可以写很多东西。只要上网打开博客,就忍不住要说上几句,说完之后又总是毫无例外的意犹未尽。

想想这些年所有说过的话,最畅快伶俐的大概就是2000年,可以连着好些晚上,熄不熄灯都不睡觉,也不回自己的上铺。赖在无精(这是他后来的名字)的床沿上不走,缠着说不着边际的话,比如理想,比如音乐,比如人文,比如八卦等等等等。而无精也很配合地假装要睡觉了,不怎么搭理我,但却没有一次真正私自睡着。他懒懒地回话总能起到点睛之用。

时至今日,无精偶尔仍会有突兀的短信发来,这时候也常是我被击中的时候。出离手头的忙碌,龟缩进原来的最初的自我,团成圈,一种痛彻心肺的享受。

这样一个人有时候我竟不知道如何去应答,寒暄是无用而多余的,但持久的深刻在一定程度上又是我们唾弃的。老实说,所有的尴尬只是因为我在这样一个人面前是没有办法完成自己熟能生巧的伪装功夫的。我的紧张只是因为我用以应对世人的方法注定失灵。也许这个世界上真的存在一种朋友,你可以和他不联系,但最后真正害怕或者说真正被一眼看穿的就是他。

当然,故意的深刻是快乐的必需,不是卖弄而是讽刺,自我的否定。当你的一个笑话只有为数不多的那么几个人真正会笑时,那笑容该是怎样的灿烂和珍贵。

我曾经为另一位朋友写过一段文字,感觉再也不会就他写出同样出彩的东西了。但那已经成为绝笔,由于我的不小心那位朋友已经不会象以前那般融洽了。失去朋友与我而言从来是最大的失败,然而一切都已无法挽回。不冷静和太自私的内心是留不住朋友的。我为我自己而羞愧难当。曾经他对我很好,并不象别人评价的那样。如果说有一个人被他认真对待过,我甚至怀疑那个人在五成可能上就是我。只是我不会有所表达,我将以此惩罚自己。

曾经有一个叫“拆庙四人组”的。大肚,无精,颓废和我。我不确信什么是友情,但实际上可能我已经背叛了它。我应该被唾弃,但我却被轻易放过。不管到什么时候我想我都不得不背负这样的良知与错觉。

最近总忍不住给自己的人生做总结,光彩的和不光彩的,总是过于清晰地呈现在面壁的日子。我是一个对自己和别人都很苛刻的人。我的失去与获得都将烙上这样的印记,可以预言但无从改变。

我的道德感将束缚我最弥可珍贵的内心,但我对此无能为力。我的激进状态在很大程度上只是一种自我鼓励,一种试图挣脱却又唯恐失范的反向约束。从根子上说,我依然传统,依然守旧依然呆板而无可救药。即便我有学识,我的学识也是没有原则的没有界限的,柔软而弹性的。即便我有道德,我的道德也必将是可以预料而毫无建树的。即便我宽容,我的宽容也是源于对这个世界被动而消极的预测,并不伟大,甚至有些无奈。我坚持世界的多样性只是想求一份自足的安逸。我所有的学习和奋斗都是不得不如此的反抗。我的精神家园其实从来就是山顶上孤零零的小屋,不遮风雨不挡阳光,因为出离所以清醒。

我解剖自己不是因为爱也不是因为恨,我所做的一切只是由于好奇与玩闹。我的认真是有限度和不确定的,就象我的玩闹也是可以当真的一样。

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帅哥哟,离线,有人找我吗?
我泽如春
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  发帖心情 Post By:2007/11/20 9:27:21 [只看该作者]

发个旧的

烘烘人气~``


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丽丽078
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article194  发帖心情 Post By:2013/11/30 16:55:21 [只看该作者]

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